Date: 30th October 2015 at 12:29am
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Wayne BOO-ney (Manchester United)

How could we leave out England’s all-time leading goalscorer? Well; quite easily in fact if it was based on current form. The Manchester United captain has yet to hit the ground running in the league so far this season, scoring just twice against Sunderland and Everton respectively. Wayne Rooney is yet to startle defenders this term! He is more like Casper the Friendly Ghost at the moment, I’m afraid.

Rudy Ghost-ede (Aston Villa)

29th August 2015 - Barclays Premier League - Aston Villa v Sunderland - Scott Sinclair of Aston Villa scores the equaliser for his side (1-1) - Photo: Paul Roberts / Offside.

Some say you wouldn’t notice him on the pitch… Well, Aston Villa are bottom of the Premier League after all! But to be fair to Rudy Gestede; the summer signing from Blackburn Rovers is the Villans’ joint top goalscorer this season in the league with two strikes. Maybe he helped Tim Sherwood disappear?!

Harry Brain (Tottenham Hotspur)

Here’s a brain teaser: Which player has scored the most Premier League goals this calendar year?

No. In fact… Oh, yes! Correct. It is England and Tottenham striker Harry Kane. Seems the Spurs star is back to stirring up his usual trouble of yesteryear by terrifying Premier League defences following his hat-trick against Bournemouth last Sunday.

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